XVIII
The State Hospital in which I now found myself, the third institution
to which I had been committed, though in many respects above the
average of such institutions, was typical. It commanded a wide view of
a beautiful river and valley. This view I was permitted to enjoy—at
first. Those in charge of the institution which I had just left did not
give my new custodians any detailed account of my case. Their reticence
was, I believe, occasioned by chagrin rather than charity. Tamers of
wild men have as much pride as tamers of wild animals (but
unfortunately less skill) and to admit defeat is a thing not to be
thought of. Though private institutions are prone to shift their
troublesome cases to state institutions, there is too often a
deplorable lack of sympathy and co-operation between them, which, in
this instance, however, proved fortunate for me.
From October 18th until the early afternoon of November 8th, at the
private institution, I had been classed as a raving maniac. The name
I had brought upon myself by experimental conduct; the condition had
been aggravated and perpetuated by the stupidity of those in authority
over me. And it was the same experimental conduct on my part, and
stupidity on the part of my new custodians, which gave rise, two weeks
later, to a similar situation. On Friday, November 7th, I was in a
strait-jacket. On November 9th and 10th I was apparently as tractable
as any of the twenty-three hundred patients in the State
Hospital—conventionally clothed, mild mannered, and, seemingly, right
minded. On the 9th, the day after my arrival, I attended a church
service held at the hospital. My behavior was not other than that of
the most pious worshipper in the land. The next evening, with most
exemplary deportment, I attended one of the dances which are held every
fortnight during the winter. Had I been a raving maniac, such
activities would have led to a disturbance; for maniacs, of necessity,
disregard the conventions of both pious and polite society. Yet, on
either of these days, had I been in the private institution which I had
recently left, I should have occupied a cell and worn a strait-jacket.
The assistant superintendent, who received me upon my arrival, judged
me by my behavior. He assigned me to one of two connecting wards—the
best in the hospital—where about seventy patients led a fairly
agreeable life. Though no official account of my case had accompanied
my transfer, the attendant who had acted as escort and guard had
already given an attendant at the State Hospital a brief account of my
recent experiences. Yet when this report finally reached the ears of
those in authority, they wisely decided not to transfer me to another
ward so long as I caused no trouble where I was. Finding myself at last
among friends, I lost no time in asking for writing and drawing
materials, which had so rudely been taken from me three weeks earlier.
My request was promptly granted. The doctors and attendants treated me
kindly and I again began to enjoy life. My desire to write and draw had
not abated. However, I did not devote my entire time to those pursuits,
for there were plenty of congenial companions about. I found pleasure
in talking—more pleasure by far than others did in listening. In fact
I talked incessantly, and soon made known, in a general way, my scheme
for reforming institutions, not only in my native State, but, of
course, throughout the world, for my grandiose perspective made the
earth look small. The attendants had to bear the brunt of my loquacity,
and they soon grew weary. One of them, wishing to induce silence,
ventured to remark that I was so "crazy" I could not possibly keep my
mouth shut for even one minute. It was a challenge which aroused my
fighting spirit.
"I'll show you that I can stop talking for a whole day," I said. He
laughed, knowing that of all difficult tasks this which I had imposed
upon myself was, for one in my condition, least likely of
accomplishment. But I was as good as my boast. Until the same hour the
next day I refused to speak to anyone. I did not even reply to civil
questions; and, though my silence was deliberate and good-natured, the
assistant physician seemed to consider it of a contumacious variety,
for he threatened to transfer me to a less desirable ward unless I
should again begin to talk.
That day of self-imposed silence was about the longest I have ever
lived, for I was under a word pressure sufficient to have filled a
book. Any psychiatrist will admit that my performance was remarkable,
and he will further agree that it was, at least, an indication of a
high degree of self-control. Though I have no desire to prove that at
this period I was not in an abnormal condition, I do wish to show that
I had a degree of self-control that probably would have enabled me to
remain in the best ward at this institution had I not been intent
—abnormally intent, of course, and yet with a high degree of
deliberation—upon a reformative investigation. The crest of my wave of
elation had been reached early in October. It was now (November) that
the curve representing my return to normality should have been
continuous and diminishing. Instead, it was kept violently
fluctuating—or at least its fluctuations were aggravated—by the
impositions of those in charge of me, induced sometimes, I freely
admit, by deliberate and purposeful transgressions of my own. My
condition during my three weeks of exile just ended, had been, if
anything, one of milder excitement than that which had obtained
previously during the first seven weeks of my period of elation. And my
condition during the two weeks I now remained in the best ward in the
State Hospital was not different from my condition during the preceding
three weeks of torture, or the succeeding three weeks of abuse and
privation, except in so far as a difference was occasioned by the
torture and privation themselves.
Though I had long intended to effect reforms in existing methods of
treatment, my reckless desire to investigate violent wards did not
possess me until I myself had experienced the torture of continued
confinement in one such ward before coming to this state institution.
It was simple to deduce that if one could suffer such abuses as I had
while a patient in a private institution—nay, in two private
institutions—brutality must exist in a state hospital also. Thus it
was that I entered the State Hospital with a firm resolve to inspect
personally every type of ward, good and bad.
But I was in no hurry to begin. My recent experience had exhausted me,
and I wished to regain strength before subjecting myself to another
such ordeal. This desire to recuperate controlled my conduct for a
while, but its influence gradually diminished as life became more and
more monotonous. I soon found the good ward entirely too polite. I
craved excitement—action. And I determined to get it regardless of
consequences; though I am free to confess I should not have had the
courage to proceed with my plan had I known what was in store for me.
About this time my conservator called to see me. Of course, I told him
all about my cruel experiences at the private institution. My account
surprised and distressed him. I also told him that I knew for a fact
that similar conditions existed at the State Hospital, as I had heard
convincing rumors to that effect. He urged me to behave myself and
remain in the ward where I was, which ward, as I admitted, was all that
one could desire—provided one had schooled himself to desire that sort
of thing.
The fact that I was under lock and key and behind what were virtually
prison bars in no way gave me a sense of helplessness. I firmly
believed that I should find it easy to effect my escape and reach home
for the Thanksgiving Day celebration. And, furthermore, I knew that,
should I reach home, I should not be denied my portion of the good
things to eat before being returned to the hospital. Being under the
spell of an intense desire to investigate the violent ward, I concluded
that the time for action had come. I reasoned, too, that it would be
easier and safer to escape from that ward—which was on a level with
the ground—than from a ward three stories above it. The next thing I
did was to inform the attendants (not to mention several of the
patients) that within a day or two I should do something to cause my
removal to it. They of course did not believe that I had any idea of
deliberately inviting such a transfer. My very frankness disarmed them.
On the evening of November 21st, I went from room to room collecting
all sorts of odds and ends belonging to other patients. These I
secreted in my room. I also collected a small library of books,
magazines and newspapers. After securing all the booty I dared, I
mingled with the other patients until the time came for going to bed.
The attendants soon locked me in my junk shop and I spent the rest of
the night setting it in disorder. My original plan had been to
barricade the door during the night, and thus hold the doctors and
attendants at bay until those in authority had accepted my ultimatum,
which was to include a Thanksgiving visit at home. But before morning I
had slightly altered my plan. My sleepless night of activity had made
me ravenously hungry, and I decided that it would be wiser not only to
fill my stomach, but to lay by other supplies of food before submitting
to a siege. Accordingly I set things to rights and went about my
business the next morning as usual. At breakfast I ate enough for two
men, and put in my pockets bread enough to last for twenty-four hours
at least. Then I returned to my room and at once barricaded the door.
My barricade consisted of a wardrobe, several drawers which I had
removed from the bureau, and a number of books—among them "Paradise
Lost" and the Bible. These, with conscious satisfaction, I placed in
position as a keystone. Thus the floor space between the door and the
opposite wall of the room was completely filled. My roommate, a young
fellow in the speechless condition in which I had been during my period
of depression, was in the room with me. This was accidental. It was no
part of my plan to hold him as a hostage, though I might finally have
used him as a pawn in the negotiations, had my barricade resisted the
impending attack longer than it did.
It was not long before the attendants realized that something was
wrong. They came to my door and asked me to open it. I refused, and
told them that to argue the point would be a waste of time. They tried
to force an entrance. Failing in that, they reported to the assistant
physician, who soon appeared. At first he parleyed with me. I
good-naturedly, but emphatically, told him that I could not be talked
out of the position I had taken; nor could I be taken out of it until I
was ready to surrender, for my barricade was one that would surely
hold. I also announced that I had carefully planned my line of action
and knew what I was about. I complimented him on his hitherto tactful
treatment of me, and grandiloquently—yet sincerely—thanked him for
his many courtesies. I also expressed entire satisfaction with the past
conduct of the attendants. In fact, on part of the institution I put
the stamp of my approval. "But," I said, "I know there are wards in
this hospital where helpless patients are brutally treated; and I
intend to put a stop to these abuses at once. Not until the Governor of
the State, the judge who committed me, and my conservator come to this
door will I open it. When they arrive, we'll see whether or not
patients are to be robbed of their rights and abused."
My speech was made through a screen transom over the door. For a few
minutes the doctor continued his persuasive methods, but that he should
even imagine that I would basely recede from my high and mighty
position only irritated me the more.
"You can stand outside that door all day if you choose," I said. "I
won't open it until the three men I have named appear. I have prepared
for a siege; and I have enough food in this room to keep me going for a
day anyway."
Realizing at last that no argument would move me, he set about forcing
an entrance. First he tried to remove the transom by striking it with a
stout stick. I gave blow for blow and the transom remained in place. A
carpenter was then sent for, but before he could go about his work one
of the attendants managed to open the door enough to thrust in his arm
and shove aside my barricade. I did not realize what was being done
until it was too late to interfere. The door once open, in rushed the
doctor and four attendants. Without ceremony I was thrown upon the bed,
with two or three of the attacking force on top of me. Again I was
choked, this time by the doctor. The operation was a matter of only a
moment. But before it was over I had the good fortune to deal the
doctor a stinging blow on the jaw, for which (as he was about my own
age and the odds were five to one) I have never felt called upon to
apologize.
Once I was subdued, each of the four attendants attached himself to a
leg or an arm and, under the direction and leadership of the doctor, I
was carried bodily through two corridors, down two flights of stairs,
and to the violent ward. My dramatic exit startled my fellow-patients,
for so much action in so short a time is seldom seen in a quiet ward.
And few patients placed in the violent ward are introduced with so
impressive an array of camp-followers as I had that day.
All this to me was a huge joke, with a good purpose behind it. Though
excited I was good-natured and, on the way to my new quarters, I said
to the doctor: "Whether you believe it or not, it's a fact that I'm
going to reform these institutions before I'm done. I raised this
rumpus to make you transfer me to the violent ward. What I want you to
do now is to show me the worst you've got."
"You needn't worry," the doctor said. "You'll get it."
He spoke the truth.
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